"Am I a good girl today?," asks the tiny girl of her father on the bus. She wants her father's praise and approval. She wants to know that everything is ok. She wants to let her father's love sink in and become the firmest reality in her little life.
She feels like she needs to hear of this reassuring love even though she knows it in her bones.
The father who very clearly loves his little girl thinks, “If you only knew how much I love you. You are my daughter. You are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. Despite your flaws. Despite your bad choices. It's almost ridiculous you should even ask if you've been good today. Even if you weren't good today I would still love you.”
Even so, the father gladly gives her his love and words of affirmation because he wants her to feel secure and safe. He knows how weak and vulnerable she is in a big and scary world. She is unable to clothe herself, feed herself, find her way, teach herself, or thrive without his loving care.
That's what I've been asking of my Heavenly Father lately. Am I in your favor? Am I ok? Have I earned my gold star? Have I exceeded expectations on the rubric? How do you feel about me? How am I running this race? I know I am an affront to you so often, thinking angry and bitter thoughts. I know I've repented of the sin you've shown me but I still feel like it's getting in the way of our relationship.
My own dad's words will resonate with me forever, "I don't love you any more or any less because of what you said." He said this to me after I said something to him that was so out of line I didn't even think I was capable of saying something so vulgar. His example of love will be burned on my heart and in my mind forever.
Ultimately, I am the Father's daughter. Dearly loved, always cared for. Always attended to because of His love. Just as the father on the bus helped the little girl find the perfect seat on the bus, made sure she was sitting down and holding on when it started to move, and then guided her off the bus when it was time to get off, our Father guides and leads us along our path. We are His children, the sheep of His pasture. He is gentle.
I believe God is my ever-tending Shepherd…
Despite how annoying I am.
Despite how selfish I am.
Despite how I continually want to throw in the towel.
Despite how I just can't get it right.
I just can't seem to keep my gaze on Him.
My own dad is praying that I would move back to the US. He wants me close. He wants good for me. He also knows that God loves me and has a plan that far surpasses anything we could muster.
If our earthly and broken fathers are able to give such devoted love, how much more does our Heavenly Father lavish on us? He who loves perfectly and steadfastly.
Oh that we might live as those who are dearly loved by a powerful and all-knowing God!
May we respond to impossibly hard circumstances as though we know deep in our bones that we have a sovereign Father who loves us perfectly. May we respond in faith and not as those who have no hope. (guilty)
"Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there." -Spurgeon
A favorite hymn...
How Deep the Father’s Love for Us
"How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory
Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished
I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom
Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom"
